One of the secrets to negotiating is effective communicating. However, if someone feels that they are being interrogated, they will not reveal anything about what they want. The easiest way to begin a negotiation is to start with sharing a little bit about yourself, and then revealing a little more, and a little more, and then let the other person talk. I use open and closed ended questions to precisely find their objections and motivations.
What are open ended and closed ended questions? An open ended question is one with no easy answer.
"Can you tell me a little bit about your situation?"
"How do you feel about that?"
"What are you looking to accomplish with this sale?"
"What would make you happy with this sale?"
As you start asking these questions, and you must listen sincerely, the other person will be amazed that you want to listen, and they will start telling you everything you wanted to know...and more. The open ended question gathers a LOT of information. It will be free ranging, and go off in unexpected tangents. Your job here is to herd cats...by asking the closed ended question to clarify their response.
Here are some closed ended questions:
Open: "Tell me about your situation?" Response: "I lost my job, and can't make the mortgage payments, I am wanting to sell so that I don't hurt my credit in a foreclosure."
Closed: "So you're worried about a foreclosure hurting your credit?" (We have moved away from the price, and are focusing on the foreclosure hazards, and the deleterious effects on their credit. The closed ended question can be answered in a single word or sentence.
If the seller starts going in the wrong direction, use the closed ended questions to get them back on track. You can interrupt...IF you are doing it to understand them better.
"Pardon me, I just want to make sure I understand, So you are saying that you are most concerned with avoiding a foreclosure?" This question gets them back on track, and steers them in the direction that you want them to go.
Although it seems rude to interrupt, you are actually engaging in intense listening, and if you also use mirroring techniques the seller will be amazed that you understand them so well, and will want to open up.
Practice this with friends and family, and you will be amazed at the results. You will find that people want to tell you everything, and that is ok...if you can control the direction of the conversation.
These intense listening skills are powerful, and must be used with caution. If they are used without integrity, they can really take advantage of other people, so make sure that you let people know up front exactly what you want to do; help them solve their problem, in a mutually advantageous manner.
Open and closed ended questions work with almost any person, but you must be aware that there are cultural differences around the world, and if you can modify your listening skills to cultural norms, it will work with anyone.
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